Learn to understand what her body is saying to you, and you will know exactly what she likes, what she doesn’t, and how to really take things up a notch, upgrading your bedroom skills to the next level.
Is every woman the same?
While we are generally universally turned on by certain things, there are many differences in our sexual pleasures. Some people like slow and caring sex, some like rough, passionate sex. Some people are very sensitive and require a gentle touch, while others will be bored by this and need a heavy hand.
Understanding her feedback during sex
From the moment things start to get heated, your partner will constantly be giving you feedback on how she feels about what you’re doing through different means.
Let’s look at each one individually, with some tips on how to pick up on what she is communicating to you.
1. What she says. This one is pretty simple and self-explanatory. Women will often tell you what they like, and will give you a little tip by saying things like, “faster,” “slower,” “a little to the left,” and “What the hell, I told you not to touch me there!”
Don’t be scared to speak up and ask her what she likes. A lot of guys feel like they should know already, but not everyone is the same, and women will prefer that you ask rather than assume and get it wrong *just don’t ask her persistently while she’s enjoying herself*. After all, you will both have a better experience just by asking a simple question.
#2 Involuntary noises. Moans and groans are great feedback. Different women make different kinds of noises. Some will scream the house down while others will whimper quietly. The former is not necessarily having a better time, it is just a difference in how they express themselves.
It is the subtlety of changes that gives you valuable feedback, like if she gets louder or the pitch changes. If the frequency increases or the sound becomes more “gasping,” then she is getting more pleasure. Maybe she will even go silent, which you will notice along with other things like breathing and body movements
3.Eyes. The eyes are the window to the soul and are extremely expressive. You can learn a lot about what is going on with someone by looking deep into their eyes. It is hard to describe, but you can sense what someone is feeling.
You will know what’s going on in her head when you look into her eyes at an intimate moment. If they roll back, you probably don’t need me to tell you that this is a good thing!
#4 Body movements and contortions. Women will often wriggle around in pleasure, and sometimes even completely lose control and move involuntarily. If she is pulling you in closer or moving more aggressively with your rhythm, that is a good sign.
Increasing the speed or aggressiveness of these movements is indicative of an increase in pleasure, as is her adopting your rhythm and working to move with you.
#5 Breathing. Breathing rate is one of the easiest things to be aware of, and it’s pretty hard to misunderstand. As her pleasure increases, so does her breathing rate. Breaths will get shorter and quicker, with a more gasping nature.
#6 What she is doing to you. Often she will grab at you, bite you or scratch you when she is in intense pleasure. Sometimes, she will pull you in closer – depending on your position – or guide you to go faster. Any action of hers to physically encourage you is a green light that she is enjoying what you’re doing
7. Her vagina. Obviously, it gets wetter, but it also becomes more sensitive, so if you are inside her, you will feel it “grip” you and then release.
5 signs she’s not enjoying what you’re doing
Along with the positive feedback, you also have to play close attention to the negative feedback. Here are the things she’ll be doing if she’s not enjoying herself.
#1 What she says. Again, obvious. She will usually say “slow down” or otherwise give instructions on what to do, rather than saying she doesn’t like it. Simply follow what she says.
#2 Pulling away. This is not always a sign she doesn’t like it. Sometimes, a woman will pull away when the pleasure or sensation is too intense, and she needs a break. If it feels like a reflexive movement, chances are you were probably too aggressive and hurt her, or otherwise did something that caused discomfort. Take note of what causes this, and don’t do it again!
#3 Trying to maneuver you or herself. Sometimes, she will move one or both of you around to get a better angle or a more pleasing position. She knows her body and where she wants you to be, so let her move you around and learn from where she puts you. You want to aim to go back to this position in your next
#4 Expressing pain. What is too gentle for some women to really get pleasure will be painful for others. You have to judge how sensitive she is to touch, especially when it comes to things like biting and hair pulling. Let that dictate how aggressive you should be.
#5 Being too relaxed. Sex isn’t supposed to be comfortable. If she’s not moaning and wriggling around a bit, you probably aren’t having that much of an effect on her. Try changing your position and looking for changes in the aforementioned signals.
Feedback during sex is usually for slight adjustments, not wholesale changes. If you have a little bit of experience, you have the general idea, and the feedback will be more about perfecting, rather than learning. Oftentimes, you will want to change the rhythm or pressure based on her feedback, so move slightly in one direction or another, or otherwise slightly modify what you are doing.
Every instance of positive feedback gives you encouragement to do more of what you’re doing, to revisit that position and focus on it. Every instance of negative feedback gives you insight to avoid that spot, to be gentler or ask her what she likes.
We are never more openly expressive than when we are having sex, and it is important to note that feedback is inevitably happening all of the time. It is in your best interests to learn to recognize and understand it, to make the experience better for both of you.
Being given a bit of direction or negative feedback does not mean you are not good in bed. But failing to heed the feedback and continuing on with what you’re doing despite her displeasure will indeed make her think you’re bad in bed.